Smallville:  The Muscial
by Shakespeare's Girl
Summary: Random songs I thought suited Smallville. Slash right away, you have been warned.  Suggestions are welcome.
1. I Won't Say I'm In Love

_**I Won't Say I'm In Love**_**: SMALLVILLE STYLE!**

**By Shakespeare's Girl**

_Lex appears on a black stage, dressed in black. His arms are crossed in front of him, over his chest, and he appears to be very put out about something. A spot light turns on, and a cue note is played. Lex sings:_

Lex: If there's a prize for rotten judgment I guess I've already won that

No man is worth the aggravation

That's ancient history been there, done that!

_Chloe, Lana, Whitney, Lois, Pete and Kara appear, dressed as ancient Greeks, they are THE MUSES_

Muses: Who'dja think you're kidding?

He's the earth and heaven to ya

Try to keep it hidden--

Honey we can see right through ya!

Lex: Oh no!

Muses: Girl ya can't conceal it

We know how ya feel

And who you're thinking of!

Lex: Oh...

No chance, no way

I won't say it, no no!

Muses: You swoon you sigh

Why deny it, uh oh?

Lex: It's too cliche,

I won't say I'm in love!

_In the back ground, which is lit in blues and reds that sometimes blend into purples, the silhouette of a very buff, very sexy man appears, back to the audience. This is Clark Kent, although his face is not revealed until the very end. He is either shirtless, or wearing a very tight white t-shirt, so the audience can see all his muscles._

Lex: I thought my heart had learned it's lesson,

_Helen appears briefly, wraps her arms around Lex, and gets pushed away by Lex and pulled away by the Muses._

Lex: It feels so good when you start out

My head is screaming "Get a grip, Lex!

Unless you're dying to cry your heart out"

Oh, oh!

Oh no!

Muses: You keep on denying

Who you are and how you're feeling

Baby, we're not buying

Hon, we saw ya hit the ceiling!

_The Muses take turns leaning on and jumping in front of Lex, while singing_

Take it like a grown up

When ya gonna own up

That you got got got it bad?

Lex: Whoa...

No chance, no way

I won't say it, no no!

Muses: _Circling Lex and pointing at him_

Give up, give in

Check the grin

You're in love!

Lex:_ Notices Clark's silhouette for the first time and becomes slightly agitated and distracted_

This scene won't play,

I won't say I'm in love

Muses: _The Muses grab Clark and pull him to Lex, keeping his back to the audience. Clark reaches out and takes Lex's hand. Lex pretends not to notice._

You're doing flips

Read our lips

You're in love!

Lex: You're way off base

I won't say it!

_Looking at his and Clark's hands linked together and having to fight back his baser urge to haul Clark to the floor and jump his bones_

Get off my case

I won't say it!

Muses: _Sensing the sexual tension, the Muses begin to back away, letting nature, and lust, take it's course._

Lex, don't be proud

It's okay, you're in love

Lex: Oh...

At least out loud

_Clark turns to Lex, finally revealing once and for all who he is. He takes Lex's shoulders in his hands and pulls the smaller man to his chest, so that they are mere inches away from each other. Lex can no longer ignore his need to touch, and wraps his arms around Clark's neck._

I won't say I'm in love...

Muses: Sha la la la la la...ahhhh...

_On the last note, as all the lights fade, Clark leans down to kiss Lex. Lex smiles, and their lips meet just as the stage goes black._


	2. Welcome To The Sixties

**Welcome to the Sixties (From "Hairspray")**

**By Shakespeare's Girl**

_**I do not own anything, neither "Hairspray," nor "Smallville", nothing. Except a really weird Imagination and too much caffiene.**_

_Our scene opens on a stage set to look like a street in Baltimore in the Ninteen Sixties. Lex and Clark are on stage, DSR (Down-stage right). Clark is wearing a Catholic School Girl uniform, and looking all too excited and happy. Lex is wearing a green bathrobe over a house-dress. Lex looks very confused._

Lex: Clark, where exactly are we?

Clark: It's ninteen sixty two, Lex!

Lex: WHAT! No! Clark? Hey! (_Clark has grabbed Lex and is dragging him CS_) Where are we going? What am I wearing? NO! Clark, LET GO!

Clark: Lex, it's changing out there! You'll like it. People who are different, their time is coming!

(_Clark begins to sing, and his voice is suspiciously high and girly._)

Hey Lexy, hey Lexy look around

Everybody's grooving to a brand new sound

Hey Lexy, hey Lexy follow me

I know something's in you that you gotta set free

So let go go go of the past now

Say hello to the love in you heart

Yes I know that the world's spinning fast now

But ya gotta get yourself a brand new start!

(_Suddenly, Chloe, Lana and Lois all jump out from behind Clark, which is odd, because Clark has been moving this entire time. The three of them are all wearing hideous orange sequin-covered dresses and sporting beehives.)_

Clark, Chloe, Lana and Lois:

Hey Lexy welcome to the sixties

Oh oh oh oh oh

Hey Lexy welcome to the sixties

Oh oh oh oh oh

Go Lexy, go go go!

(_As Chloe, Lana and Lois continue singing this chorus, Clark drags Lex DSL, mostly he is sucessful because the other three are pushing Lex after him. They arrive DSL, at what appears to be a ladies botique. Lex stubbornly refuses to go any further, so Clark picks him up as he sings._)

Clark:

Welcome to the rhythm of a brand new day

Take your old fashioned fears and just throw them away

You should add some color and a fresh new 'do

Cause it's time for a star who looks just like you!

(_Jonathon Kent has entered as Clark has been singing. He is dressed in an outfit that would do a used car sales man proud. He also wears very large, very ugly horn-rimmed glasses. An excited Clark runs over to Jonathon, but Lex screams at his appearance and cowers in fear. He tries to escape, but gets distracted by the orange dresses and the fact that Jonathon is pinching Clark's cheek and saying--_)

Jonathon: There's my shining star! Fantastic to meet you! I'm Mr. Kent!

Clark: (_sort of shy, as if he's never seen Jonathon before_) It's so nice to meet you!.

Jonathon: (_looking at Lex_) Clark, is this your older sister?

Lex: What? Hey! No! I--! Hey! Let me go!

(_Jonathon has grabbed Lex and pulled him away from Clark, who is happily munching on a huge plate of donuts that seems to have dropped out of the sky._)

Jonathon: (_discretely, as if he is asking something slightly embarrassing_) 54 double d?

Lex: (_confused. Suddenly gets it.) _NO! I AM NOT A WOMAN, DAMN IT!

Jonathon: (_oblivious to Lex's shouting_) I HIT THE MOTHER LODE!

Lex: (_as he is pulled by the girls into a dressing room, that has also dropped out of the sky_) HELP!!!!

Chloe, Lana, Lois:

Yeah yeah yeah

Welcome to the sixties

Oh oh oh oh oh

Oh Lexy welcome to the sixties

Oh oh oh oh oh

Go Lexy, go go go!

Chloe: (_jumping in front of the dressing room door, where there are banging noises, and the sound of Lex screaming for help_)

Don'tcha let nobody try to steal your fun

Cause a little touch of lipstick never hurt no one

Lana: (_joining Chloe in front of the door_)

The future's got a million roles for you to choose

But you'll walk a little taller in some high heeled shoes

Lois: (_joining the other two_)

And once you find the style that makes you feel like you

Something fresh, something new!

All Except Lex:

Step on out, hear us shout,

Lexy that's your CUE!

(_The Sequin Dress Girls all jump back, to reveal a furious Lex. He is wearing a pink sequin dress, equally as hideous as the orange ones, a beehive wig, and drag-queen make up. To top it all off, someone has made him wear matching heels. Lex snarls as a pleased Clark runs into the dressing room. In a few seconds, Clark returns, in an identical dress to Lex's and with a beehive._)

Lex:

Hey, Chloe, hey Lana,

Look at me!

I'm the final sight

That your eyes will see

Hey Lois, hey Jonny,

What's your rush?

If you go outside

I'll have you hit by a bus

(_Everyone but Clark, who doesn't really have anything to worry about backs slowly away from Lex. Clark continues to dance around Lex happily, completely ignoring the fact that Lex is threatening to destroy his friends._)

Clark and Lex:

So let's go go go back to Smallville

Tell the people to all run and hide

Lex:

Cause my Tommy gun's empty too fast now

I'll kill the people who don't step aside

Lex and Clark:

Oh oh oh oh oh

We're killing in the sixties!

Oh oh oh oh oh

Clark:

Go, Lexy, go go go!

Lexy:

My fingers itch

Clark:

Itch!

Lex:

It's such a sin

Clark:

Sin!

Lex:

I'm gonna throw that town in the rubbish bin!

Clark:

Rubbish bin!

Lex:

I'm gonna get--

Clark:

Get!

Lex:

My sweet revenge!

Clark:

Go, Lexy!

Lex:

Mighta once been holding back

But baby NEVER AGAIN!!!

Clark:

Go Lexy, go go go!

(_Lex storms off, with Clark in his wake, happily scatting on "Go Lexy, go go go"._)


	3. My Guy

**My Guy**

**By Shakespeare's Girl**

_**Part of the "Smallville: The Musical" Sequence**_

_As the scene opens, we see Clark, smiling a dreamy smile, and humming. The music starts up, and various Freaks of the Week appear wearing Choir robes and carrying three ring binders with what is evidently music in them._

_The Choir begins to sway, and Clark begins to sing._

Clark:

There's nothing you can say

Could tear me away from My Guy

(_Lex, who is evidently Clark's "Guy" gets pushed out onto stage and Clark grabs his arm and pulls him close. Lex is confused, but goes along with it, as they are together, and they are on stage for some reason.)_

There's nothing you can do

Cause I'm stuck like glue to My Guy

Ah ah ah ah

(_Lex is confused and grossed out when someone in the Choir throws Elmers Glue at them. Luckily, it hits Clark, who not only isn't hurt, but doesn't seem to notice.)_

I'm sticking to My Guy like a stamp to a letter

Like birds of a feather we--

Stick together

(_Another Chorus member throws a sheet of "H" stamps at them, they fall far short and miss completely, and nobody really notices because a flock of geese have flown on stage and are now busy trying to honk louder than Clark can sing. The Freak of the Week who can divide himself in two comes forward, divides himself and starts herding the geese away.)_

I'm telling you from the start

I can't be torn apart from my guy

(_At this, several Choir members grab Clark and attempt to pull him away from Lex, but Clark, being super strong, doesn't budge.)_

Cause nothing you could do

Could make me untrue to My Guy

_(Chloe dangles a chunk of Kryptonite in front of Clark, who blanches but only grabs at Lex harder.)_

Choir:

My guy

Clark:

There's nothing you could buy

Could make me tell a lie to My Guy

Ah ah ah ah

(_Jonathon and Martha drive up in a truck that looks suspiciously like the one that Lex bought Clark once upon a time and offer him the keys, but Clark shakes his head no.)_

Choir:

My guy, my guy, my guy

Clark:

I gave my guy my word of honor

To be faithful and I'm gonna

(_Lana appears and takes Clark's other hand but Clark pulls away and turns his back on her)_

You'd best be believing

I won't be decieving my guy

Choir:

Ooooh oooh oooh (etc)

Clark:

As a matter of opinion I think he's tops

My opinion is he's the cream of the crop 

(_A truckload of Creamed Corn gets dumped on the choir, who are completely oblivious to the fact that they are now standing in a puddle of Creamed Corn.)_

As a matter of taste to be exact

He's my ideal as a matter of fact

(_Choir stops their oohing)_

And no muscle bound man

Could ever take my hand from My Guy

_(Whitney and the entire foot ball team come running on stage and attempt to pull Clark away, however, they get no further than the Freaks of the Week did)_

Choir:

My Guy

Clark:

And no pretty face

Could ever take the place of My Guy

Ah ah ah ah

(_Lana reappears with Lois and they both try to distract Clark, and both fail as he is too busy staring at Lex)_

Choir:

My guy, my guy, my guy

Oooh, oooh, oooh, (etc.)

Clark:

He may not be a movie star

But when it comes to being happy--

We are

(_Lionel sneaks on stage and joins Jonathon Kent in trying to pull Clark away from Lex. Clark ignores them and keeps singing.)_

There's not a man today

Who could take me away from my guy

And no muscle bound man

Choir:

Muscle bound man

Clark:

Could ever take my hand from my guy

(_Lionel signals someone off stage, and a bunch of Pro Wrestlers including Hulk Hogan appear and try to pry Clark away from Lex to no avail)_

Choir:

My Guy

Clark:

And no handsome face

Choir:

Handsome face

Clark:

Could ever take the place of my guy

Ah ah ah ah

Choir:

My guy my guy my guy

Clark:

He may not be a movie star

But when it comes to being happy--

We are

(_Lionel runs off stage one direction and Jonathon runs off the other direction.)_

There's not a man today

Who could take me away from my guy

(_Lionel returns with a jackhammer and tries to use it to get Clark to let go. All he succeeds in doing is ripping Clark's shirt to shreds, which is not necessarily a bad thing at all.)_

Choir:

What'd you say?

Clark:

Theres not a man today who could take me away from my guy

(_Jonathon comes back, driving a tractor and chains. He wraps Clark in the chains and tries to drive off, hopefully pulling Clark along too. All that happens is that the tractor's back wheels pull off. Clark is now shirtless and has a chain around his middle. Lex is looking turned on.)_

Choir:

Tell me more

Clark:

Theres not a man today who could take me away from my guy

(_Lionel and Jonathon confer, and can come up with nothing. In a last ditch attempt, Lionel offers Clark his wallet, but Clark just shakes his head and smiles)_

Choir:

What's that?

Clark:

Theres not a man today who could take me away from my guy

(_Clark picks up Lex and carries him off stage. Lionel and Jonathon shrug at each other. Martha just smiles. Lana and Lois pout. The choir fades out and walks off. Chloe tosses her chunk of Kryptonite at one of the Freaks of the Week as they pass. He yelps and turns on her, but she holds up one hand and he stops. Chloe walks away to write an expose on Clark and Lex's love affair, and whether or not this will get Gay Marriage bills passed sooner, as Luthors have so much clout.)_


End file.
